i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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