Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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