i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.