Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
