Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness