I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
