is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems