there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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