one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
