After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
that may or may not have been my penis.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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