Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
