my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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