i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We need to rekindle our bromance
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
