he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
