Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
