I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
