And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
