btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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