Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize