there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
