You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
