I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
