I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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