I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
