i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
