Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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