Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
