she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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