he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
