So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
