HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
