i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
