jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
