By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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