this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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