I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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