Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
