I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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