I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
