he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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