Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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