I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
