too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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