dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
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He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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