I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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