i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
