**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
