just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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