Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
