Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i will never coherently bang her
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
