No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
