I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They took my balls.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
