You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
accomplished twins. life is a go
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
