i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
