the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
