nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
