Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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