I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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