$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
