We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
