Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
