Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I enjoy the company of your penis
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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