do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
