oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
