You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
