After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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